Snape's Little Problem
by Chiichick
Summary: Sirius listens in on Snape and Volde talking and freaks out.


Snape's Little Problem  
  
Sirius stopped right out side of a room. He could hear two people's voices coming from inside, Snape and someone else. Thinking it would be funny to record what they said he took out a tape recorder he'd found. He looked at his watch it was a little past midnight. After checking to see if there was a tape in it, he turned it on and walked away.  
  
The next morning Sirius came back to retrieve the recorder. Snape and his guest were talking. Sirius felt like he was going to die laughing. Suddenly he realized who the other voice was. Voldemort. Sirius got back to his room as soon as possible. He rewound the tape and listened.  
  
Voldemort: Ok look I know it's not right but I really want it. Snape: I don't care I'm not that way. Voldemort: So if you were like me would you want to. Snape: No! I already told you no! Voldemort: Please. Snape: No! I will not willingly do that with you. Voldemort: Ok.  
  
Snape: What! That's all you've.  
  
(Swish, bang) Snape: Hey this isn't fair! Voldemort: I promise you'll like it. Snape: But I'm not that way! Voldemort: Will you just get on the bed? I wont do anything unless you say it's ok. Ok Snape: *sigh* Ok fine. But you promise nothing will happen unless I say so.  
Voldemort: I promise. Ok, now are you comfortable. Snape: Sure. Voldemort: Good. Um do you want to uh kiss? Snape: No. Voldemort: Ok. So what do you want to do? Snape: Go to sleep. Voldemort: Uh ok, but I have to hold you. Snape: Fine will you untie me now? Voldemort: Hold on. I'm going to lock the door. Snape: You don't trust me? Voldemort: No it's just I don't like being interrupted. Snape: But you said. Voldemort: I know what I said and I intend to keep word. But if we start doing anything I don't want to stop during the middle of something Snape: Fine. Voldemort: So how 'bout that kiss? Snape: I don't know. I mean I'm not gay. Voldemort: I know but I was hopping you'd change if we got intimate. Snape: Ok well I guess a little kiss wouldn't. Both: Mmm! Voldemort: God that was good! So how'd you like it? Snape: Um, I uh. Can we do it again? Voldemort: Knew you'd like it. So you want to have sex now? Snape: Maybe. I mean what's it like? Voldemort: What's what like? Snape: Sex. Voldemort: I'm not really sure what it's like to do it with. Snape: No I mean sex period. Voldemort: Oh! So you're still a virgin? Snape: Yea. Voldemort: Well don't worry you'll like it. Snape: Ok. But don't I need to do something? Voldemort: Well yea but this is your first time so you can just relax and let me do the work. Ok. Snape: Ok. Um, can you untie me now? Voldemort: Oh! Right sorry. There how's that? Snape: Much better. Hear get closer. Voldemort: Ok. So now what do you want to do. Snape: Quiet, ok. Voldemort: Ok. Both: Mmm. (5 minutes later) Both: Mmm. Voldemort: *smack* God you're good! Snape: You two. Voldemort: So you think your ready now? Snape: Um, I don't know. Do you think we could wait a little bit? Voldemort: Yea, of course. Whatever you want baby. *kiss* Snape: Baby? Voldemort: Yea. You ok with me calling you that? Snape: Yea. Its just nobody's ever called me that. Voldemort: Oh, well don't worry *kiss* you're going to hear a lot of sweet things come your way. Mmm. Snape: Mmm. Did I do something wrong? Voldemort: No, why? Snape: I don't know. You sort of pulled back quick. Voldemort: I'm sorry. *kiss* So you like the really long kisses? Snape: Yea. Voldemort: Well you think you want to do something else. Snape: Um, ok like what? Voldemort: Like this. Snape: Ohhhh! God that feels good! Voldemort: I knew you'd like it. *kiss* Snape: What time is it? Voldemort: 3:30. Why you getting tired? Snape: Yea. Voldemort: Ok. I suppose we should get some sleep. Snape: Mm hm. Voldemort: Ok. Night baby. Snape: Night. Voldemort: *kiss* See you in the morning. Snape: Ok. Hold me tighter. Voldemort: Ok, go to sleep.  
  
***Really Long Pause***  
  
Voldemort: Morning sunshine. Snape: What? Voldemort: I said morning. Snape: Oh, morning. Voldemort: So, mm, what do you want to do today? Snape: Stuff, mm. He, he. Voldemort: Mmm. Me two. Snape: That felt so good last night. Voldemort: I knew it would. You got hard last night. Snape: Yea *kiss* you did too..  
  
Mortified by what he had just heard Sirius sat down on the edge of the bed. My god! What's wrong with him? That's Voldemort. Voldemort! Christ! Sirius got up off the bed, knowing what he had to do he went to go find Dumbledore.  
  
Sirius found Dumbledore sitting in his room. "Yes", he asked. Sirius told him what he had recorded. Dumbledore chuckled softly, "Sirius I know. Snape is. subduing Voldemort. You didn't interfere did you?" Sirius shook his head. "Good", Dumbledore continued, "I suggest you go back to your own room for right now."  
  
With that Sirius left slightly embarrassed. It's still sick, he thought.  
  
Hope you like this, please review. ^_^ 


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